Throw Back Thursday - Parents Suck #TBT

Original written on Thursday, June 23, 2005 for my son's blog My Life As A Precocious Toddler - I used to write for sanity in my kids voices. Handsome is two years old here and had a lot to say apparently.

Parents Suck!

Hey, can we talk? I want to discuss my parents. Dude I know I need them and everything, my being 2 and all but give me a freakin' break. Let's take today for instance. I ask for a crayon. Mom looks at me and says "what?" 

 

I mean hello! How else do you say crayon? 

 

I try again all the while pointing to the shelf where she keeps the damn colored yum, yum taste so good sticks of wax. I see a light bulb go off on her face and she hands me a broken piece of putrid green crayon and tells me to get my paper. 

 

I scream and slam my hand on the table. A damn crayon women! She says, "that is all there is" and then I hear that pink bundle of pain in the ass start her opera. 

 

My sister Goddess came into our home 2 months ago and nothing is right!

 

Mom takes off to pick up the screeching pink bundle and I grab her legs as she tries to pass me. "A crayon! Damn am I invisible"? 

 

I take the stupid piece of putrid wax that she handed me and reach for the flash cards she took out of the drawer an hour before. She said get paper and this sure looks like paper to me. 

 

She notices and moves the flashcards out from under my crayon and says, "not on those!" 

 

What? She didn't specify what paper I could use. Paper is paper. Damn her, she is always stopping me from doing something I want to do. 

 

While she sits down to place her plump, dripping, flesh pillow into my sister's mouth I take the crayon and oops miss the little piece of paper she handed me. 

 

Wow, the crayon looks really good mixed with the color of the ottoman. I keep going. Maybe just maybe Mom and Dad will love my art work. They rave over every stupid mark I make on paper they are going to love this. 

 

I take my time, putting a lot of thought into the amount of strokes, the direction of my lines and the amount of pressure I apply to my art project. I am totally in the zone and the next thing I know my mom is screaming.

 

"No!"

 

God how I hate that word. Ripping the crayon from my clenched fingers and places me in time out. 

 

Huh? She is so ungrateful. That is the last time I try to impress her. 

 

As I sit in my time out I contemplate my next art project. I have been checking out the wall next to the TV, I think it could use a few dashes with a key to give it that subtle texture look.

Rest in Peace Crocodile Hunter

This morning my mom was upset over the untimely death of Steve "Criky" Irwin or the Crocodile Hunter. My aunt called to see if she had heard then she got an email from my Godmother. We will miss him and his enthusiasm.

He was killed in a freakishly scary Stingray accident, while filming off the Batt Raff in Queensland. He came too close to a the poisonous barb on the stingray tail and was killed when it pierced his heart. It is rare to get stung by one but to be stung in such a fatal area is just so sad.

How strange to think that something like this can happen to someone who has dedicated his life to living and working with animals. He has done so much for Australia
















We have watched Steve Irwin over and over again on my Wiggle Safari tape.
I am so sad for his family, especially his daughter Bindi. I have watched her and her father on my Wiggle tape for the past two years and my thoughts are with her, her mommy and her little brother. My deepest condolences on such a devastating loss he will most surely be missed!

Fun

This morning Mom ran a picture of my through My Heritage to see what celebrity my face looked like. She ran this one


and this dude (Jamie Cullem) came up with 61% likeness.
















He is some English jazz singer, songwriter, pianist dude. I can sort of see it, I guess that's cool!

Then...surprise, surprise the next likeness at 56% was Billy Zane
Not this Billy
But this one... come on do I look like this dude?

Helping Dad Part 2

I test the doorbell

"Baby Skye" delights in us men working

I show Skye "our" new digs

Dad's Assistant

My sister is about to turn 1 this Friday, April 14th so the other day Dad and I put together her present. My parents got her (and me) a playhouse for outside.

After playing the whole day I was involved in some child labor thing. Isn't there a law about this type of thing? I need to Google that!

Here are some pics of how things went down or up in this case.
Dad took the base out of the box..I rested while he got his power tools



















Holding the wall for Dad


















Checking out the plumbing


















Making sure Dad put the knob on correctly



















We hold a meeting about the sturdyness of the door.

I help dad secure the roof

Dancing to the music in my head

Playing Cars with Daddy

Me and Daddy played cars the other day. Of course for mom it meant tons of pictures. Here are a few..

Me and My Sis

Dad and I hung outside the other day. It was cold out. Sissy wanted to go outside too but Mom wouldn't let her. I felt really bad because she kept putting her hands on the glass to get my attention. As you can see in the background, that is our Christmas tree. It is still in the stand and still pretty green. Not sure how long it will hang out on the deck but it does smell good.

Lovin' me some yogurt

Man, there is nothing like a yogurt. Nope that is not a pacifier you see next to my hand, those are for babies...well, ok..maybe it is a pacifier but it is not mine...ok...well maybe it is...nah just kidding. I guess you will never know...

Mom walked into my sister's room to find me in her crib. Come on now I know what you are thinking; why would a 2 year old want to hang out in a crib? Well the crib toys were mine a short while ago and I loved them. They have nice colors and play music. What's not to like?

How did I get in? That is the same thing mom was wondering...it's a little thing called a chair...duh!