Potty Training 101

Finally mom gave up the laptop so that I could leave an update of my life. Damn she is selfish with her laptop.

Well, the day has arrived, Mom has decided that buying diapers for two thanks to the pink pain in the ass is expensive; so she has been talking a lot about the potty. She gets very excited and animated, pointing to the white thing in the middle of the living room and the bigger white thing in the room that they keep closed.

Day 1
Mom takes of my diaper and lets me walk around. She tells Dad that the only way for me to know if I have to go is to be free. He tells her that she should get out the carpet shampooer and she says she's on it. Ha ha, she has no idea. Mom takes me to the bathroom every 10 minutes asking if I have to go pee-pee. I say "OK". We trudge in there and stand around for about 5 minutes. I wave bye to the water in the white thing and head back to the living room. She has been getting a fat ass lately. So I figured I would keep her hoping, I told her "OK" every single time she asked me.

Dad comes up and asks if I have to go. I say "OK'. We head to the bathroom and would you believe it, I actually did have to go. I stand up on the stool and try, what do you know, it happens. Dad starts chanting, "Go, Jesse, go Jesse, go Jesse." My own personal cheerleading section, to cool and a little creepy. I hear running footsteps and there in the door way is Mom and the pink banshee. She starts singing, "pee-pee on the potty, pee-pee on the potty." What the hell man! Can't a brother have a moment? Geez. They are happy, what can I say. Got to love them.

Day 2
Mom removes my night time diaper, and asks if I have to go pee-pee. I say "OK". We head to the bathroom and decided as she sets up the stool that I don't really have to go. I say "No" and we head out. Oops wait, I feel it, I turn and pee on the wall in the hallway. I smile at mom waiting for the pee-pee song and she is not smiling. She ushers me into the living room and starts wiping down the wall. She walks into the room and tells me, "pee-pee on the potty". Yeah yeah I know. It was a mistake. The next time she asks, I'll get it right. Just as the Wiggles are ending Mom asks if I have to go pee-pee. I say "OK." We head to the bathroom and Mom says, "Pee-pee on the potty." Yes women, we are in the bathroom, I said Ok! I turn and pee. She is not singing. She ushers me out of the bathroom and I hear her wiping the toilet. She said pee-pee on the potty, I did! She didn't say in the potty. Damn tell me what you want women!

Day 3
We head to the bathroom, mom is kneeling pointing at the potty. I start going! Ahhh, relief. That felt good. I finish, look at mom and she is beaming. Starting her song, she dances around the bathroom, "pee-pee on the potty, Jesse went pee-pee on the potty." She dances into the hall and I follow. Three hours later she is still saying, "Jesse, you went pee-pee on the potty!" Duh, I was there! What the hell?

Day 4
Mom asks if I have to go, I say "OK". We head to the bathroom and I say bye-bye to the toilet. We walk to the living room and oops, I pee. Mom is not smiling, she walks away and returns with a diaper. As I lie down I think to myself, "those diapers aren't looking so expensive huh?

Highlights of my day and it is only 2:54 pm

• Woke up, made my way to mom and dad's room and tried to pry open their eye lids.
• Played with playdoh by making small little lint size pieces in every color available so that mom had something to do later.
• Eat four out of six meat sticks. Mom ate the rest.
• Watched and danced to the Wiggles. God I love them!
• Dragged my size Batman around by his cap. He thinks he's tough but I kick his butt every time.
• Poked my sister in the eye. I like watching mom flinch.
• Hid my cars under the couch cushion; dad will feel them later when he tries to get comfortable.
• Watched Oprah or as I say Opa.
• Sang the alphabet to entertain mom.
• Read a book with mom.
• Hugged mommy when she yelled at me for standing on the couch. She hugged back, she is such a sucker.
• Refused to take my nap.
• Pointed and told mom what colors I was looking at; (bwon, bwu, yewow, owang, ed, and gway).