My Life As A Precocious Toddler

Rest in Peace Crocodile Hunter

2006-09-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

This morning my mom was upset over the untimely death of Steve "Criky" Irwin or the Crocodile Hunter. My aunt called to see if she had heard then she got an email from my Godmother. We will miss him and his enthusiasm.

He was killed in a freakishly scary Stingray accident, while filming off the Batt Raff in Queensland. He came too close to a the poisonous barb on the stingray tail and was killed when it pierced his heart. It is rare to get stung by one but to be stung in such a fatal area is just so sad.

How strange to think that something like this can happen to someone who has dedicated his life to living and working with animals. He has done so much for Australia

We have watched Steve Irwin over and over again on my Wiggle Safari tape.
I am so sad for his family, especially his daughter Bindi. I have watched her and her father on my Wiggle tape for the past two years and my thoughts are with her, her mommy and her little brother. My deepest condolences on such a devastating loss he will most surely be missed!

Fun

2006-06-30T08:35:00.000-07:00

This morning Mom ran a picture of my through My Heritage to see what celebrity my face looked like. She ran this one

and this dude (Jamie Cullem) came up with 61% likeness.

He is some English jazz singer, songwriter, pianist dude. I can sort of see it, I guess that's cool!

Then...surprise, surprise the next likeness at 56% was Billy Zane
Not this Billy
But this one... come on do I look like this dude?

Helping Dad Part 2

2006-04-12T09:26:00.000-07:00

I test the doorbell

"Baby Skye" delights in us men working

I show Skye "our" new digs

Dad's Assistant

2006-04-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

My sister is about to turn 1 this Friday, April 14th so the other day Dad and I put together her present. My parents got her (and me) a playhouse for outside.

After playing the whole day I was involved in some child labor thing. Isn't there a law about this type of thing? I need to Google that!

Here are some pics of how things went down or up in this case.
Dad took the base out of the box..I rested while he got his power tools

Holding the wall for Dad

Checking out the plumbing

Making sure Dad put the knob on correctly

We hold a meeting about the sturdyness of the door.

I help dad secure the roof

Dancing to the music in my head

2006-02-17T11:05:00.000-08:00

Playing Cars with Daddy

2006-02-17T10:58:00.000-08:00

Me and Daddy played cars the other day. Of course for mom it meant tons of pictures. Here are a few..

Me and My Sis

2006-02-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

Dad and I hung outside the other day. It was cold out. Sissy wanted to go outside too but Mom wouldn't let her. I felt really bad because she kept putting her hands on the glass to get my attention. As you can see in the background, that is our Christmas tree. It is still in the stand and still pretty green. Not sure how long it will hang out on the deck but it does smell good.

Lovin' me some yogurt

2006-02-09T12:04:00.000-08:00

Man, there is nothing like a yogurt. Nope that is not a pacifier you see next to my hand, those are for babies...well, ok..maybe it is a pacifier but it is not mine...ok...well maybe it is...nah just kidding. I guess you will never know...

2006-01-26T10:30:00.000-08:00

Mom walked into my sister's room to find me in her crib. Come on now I know what you are thinking; why would a 2 year old want to hang out in a crib? Well the crib toys were mine a short while ago and I loved them. They have nice colors and play music. What's not to like?

How did I get in? That is the same thing mom was wondering...it's a little thing called a chair...duh!

Christmas Rocked!!!

2005-12-26T17:34:00.000-08:00

This Christmas was so much fun. I have never seen so many gifts in my life!
I must have been really good this year. Thank God Santa didn't talk to my parents. Mom really confused me when she talked about how it was someone named Jesus birthday and then she said something about a manger, but I am not really sure if she meant Santa was bringing birthday gifts to Jesus and dropped them off here instead or if Rudolph lived in a manger but whatever I got tons of stuff! Thanks Jesus, Santa, or whomever.

Here I am with my cousins and Dad

Opening a gift with my sister

Opening frenzy at my Tia's

Setting up my shot on Christmas morning

Please Vote for My Sister

2005-11-23T13:44:00.000-08:00

My mom just received an email saying that my sister was chosen to participate in the baby photo contest at babyzone.com. Great like she doesn't already have a Diva attitude!

If you have the chance please vote for Skye at this link. She is in the babies 0-12 section.

People can vote once daily from the same computer but hey if you have access to another computer....

Thank you for your support.

To Jesse,

2005-11-20T17:09:00.001-08:00

Before you were conceived I wanted you, before you were born, I loved you. Before you were an hour old I would die for you, this is the miracle of life! ~Author Unknown

Love, Mommy

My Cousin Amanda

2005-11-13T09:47:00.000-08:00

Last weekend my cousin Amanda stayed with us. She thinks she is so big, we started wrestling. She had me in the first round, she does have 13 years on me but I knew that I could take her and I was not about to give up.

Then she started tickling me...and of course that gave her a the lead in round two. Come on man that is my weakness. I am not sure where the Ref was at that point because that should have been called.

By round 3 I took over, payback is a bitch. I was pissed from the tickle fest and ready to get my revenge. I jumped on her back.

The bigger they are the harder they fall!

Being the gentleman that I am, I asked her if she was "ok"

In the end, she still loved me

Pumpky

2005-11-13T09:40:00.000-08:00

Mom, loves taking pictures of me and my sister but when I saw her grab the camera to take a picture of my sister in this stupid pumpkin hat I just had to step in. No one makes a fool out of my sister, not even mom that's my job!

Happy Halloween Everyone

2005-10-31T17:40:00.000-08:00

Tonight Mom woke me to go trick-o-treating. I was sleeping on the couch (nice late nap) and she started changing me into my costume. I opened my eyes and she was smiling down at me asking if I wanted to go outside. Hello no women! I am sleeping can't you see? She proceeded with the unwanted change of attire and the next thing I know I am in a Superman costume, sneakers are on and she is ushering me to the door. I start to loudly protest and Dad comes the rescue. He lifts me up, gets me some milk and we are out the door. They were in such a hurry that they let me leave with my pacifier. Note to self...protest = pacifier. Niiice!

Dad tries to put me down and I yell. He lifts me up again and we meet up with 20+ people at the end of our driveway. We filter into the group and start walking. Some nice women says, "Hi Jesse" but I yell and turn my head into Dad's shoulder. I didn't ask to be here lady. Dad tries to take me to someone's door, all the kids are going but I don't want to so he doesn't force it. Smart man.

Dad carries me around for a while and then mom hands me a piece of chocolate. Ok..I'll take that.

My sister starts crying and Dad carries her and holds my hand. All in all it was a good night. I was with my family and they seemed happy. I bet it has something to do with all that candy Mom is carrying around in the back of the carriage. I hope they let me have some.

Me and Sissy

2005-10-26T17:49:00.000-07:00

I know you can't tell from this picture but my sister thinks I am the bomb! She laughs every time I come into her view, when I jump on my parent's bed, run by her while we are outside (she is usually attached to Mom in the Baby Bjorn thingy), or when I dance to Elmo's World. She's kind fun too. I laugh when she sneezes, or kicks. I hate to hear her cry, I usually say "uh oh Baby" so that Mom and Dad know that she is crying. The seem to not hear her sometimes. I am not sure how that is possible because she can wake the dead. I love imitating her much to Mom's dismay but it is so much fun.

Halloween Questions

2005-10-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

I got this idea from Friday Fiver

1. Have you made any Halloween plans? Well hopefully Mom and Dad will take me trick Or treating. Last year my mom and my Godmom took me around. I ate my first piece of chocolate and impressed everyone when I chose an apple out of a dish of candy.

2. At what age should you stop trick-or-treating? Stop!? I haven't even gotten started yet!!

3. What's your favorite kind of Halloween candy? Ya know, mom doesn't give me candy so I am thinking I am going to love all of it.

4. Are you more likely to trick someone else or be tricked yourself? What??? Why would I trick someone when I am more interested in the treats?

5. Do you believe in ghosts? Ghosts? You mean like Casper? Nah...nothing scares me. Strong like bull and I am pretty sure I would be able to take it. Stupid flimsy sheet, no feet or hands, let me at em'

I was banished!

2005-10-23T16:14:00.000-07:00

My Godparents bought a new dining room set and gave my parents their older one. Dad took the $20 Staples banquet table and the $10 card table chairs downstairs, shampooed the floor and gated up my playarea. Here I sit waiting to be let back in with my friend Blue that Uncle Metro won me. Thanks Aunt Bek and Uncle Metro, I love my nice, clean creamy seat cushions and my Blue. Don't you think they will look even better after I get done with my nice new blue crayon. Just call me Picaso. Much love to you!

My Sister's Undies

2005-09-22T17:20:00.000-07:00

Ok pervs let's not get the wrong idea, my sister is 4 months old and if you even go there I will personally kick your ass. So the other day Mom was changing my sister into some PJ's and I decided to put the silly blue, gingham panties with Baby Snoopy on the butt over my head and dance around the living room. Well...you had to see my parents, they thought it was the funniest thing they ever saw. You would think I had walked across a tight rope wearing a tutu and a Groucho Marx's mustache singing the tune from the Jeffersons. The first picture is me saying "that way" and the second picture mom said, "say cheese" which of course I did. Hey I'll take the attention anyway I can get it even wearing my sister's undies on my head. Sue me, my parents are suckers for my cuteness.

Me and My Crayons

2005-09-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

What more could a guy want? Some fresh air, a big sheet of white paper, some crayons and finger foods. A little piece of heaven on earth if you ask me.

Make room on the fridge mom, I have another master piece coming.

It's just peachy keen jelly bean

2005-09-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

I love driving my parents crazy. Sue me, it's my job. In this picture I am eating a peach. I asked for an apple and they give me a peach. Any round fruit that is brought into the house is referred to as an apple these days. Pear, grapes, blueberries, apples, peaches, necterines, and plumes. I know that they are not apples, yet this has become the blanket word for any fruit that rolls. I don't want to hurt their feelings so I don't correct them but it absolutely drives me crazy that they don't know how to distinquish between the various orbed fruits that grace our crisper.

Me and My Yoga Ball

2005-09-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

At least that is what Mommy calls it whenever I sit on it. I am not sure what the hell she is talking about but she laughs every time I plop a squat. Mom has a really big ball that she uses to do what she calls sit ups, it really just look like she is bouncing on the ball to me. Whatever, as long as she is happy because like mom says, "a happy Mommy, means a happy family."

Play Date Central

2005-09-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

Mom has had me so busy with play dates lately that I have had no time to blog. Bitch! She thinks I need friends and need to be popular. I hate it! I have to share my stuff, have kids messing up my room, taking my snacks, pushing me off my own ride on car, sitting on my Wiggle couch, saying "Mine" when they know damn well it isn't. Why the hell is it whenever mom meets a new mom with a kid my age that she suddenly sets up a play date? We were at the library the other day and there was another kid there. She was nice enough; she said, "chase me" so I did, she said, "sit with me" so I did, she pushed me down, I got back up thinking, "ok, buh bye B'otch. I walk to the door to leave and mom is handing over her phone number to make a play date. Hello, did she not see me trying to escape this little pain in my diapered butt? Anyway I guess this means another play date is being scheduled for the near future. Wish me luck.

Potty Training 101

2005-08-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

Finally mom gave up the laptop so that I could leave an update of my life. Damn she is selfish with her laptop.

Well, the day has arrived, Mom has decided that buying diapers for two thanks to the pink pain in the ass is expensive; so she has been talking a lot about the potty. She gets very excited and animated, pointing to the white thing in the middle of the living room and the bigger white thing in the room that they keep closed.

Day 1
Mom takes of my diaper and lets me walk around. She tells Dad that the only way for me to know if I have to go is to be free. He tells her that she should get out the carpet shampooer and she says she's on it. Ha ha, she has no idea. Mom takes me to the bathroom every 10 minutes asking if I have to go pee-pee. I say "OK". We trudge in there and stand around for about 5 minutes. I wave bye to the water in the white thing and head back to the living room. She has been getting a fat ass lately. So I figured I would keep her hoping, I told her "OK" every single time she asked me.

Dad comes up and asks if I have to go. I say "OK'. We head to the bathroom and would you believe it, I actually did have to go. I stand up on the stool and try, what do you know, it happens. Dad starts chanting, "Go, Jesse, go Jesse, go Jesse." My own personal cheerleading section, to cool and a little creepy. I hear running footsteps and there in the door way is Mom and the pink banshee. She starts singing, "pee-pee on the potty, pee-pee on the potty." What the hell man! Can't a brother have a moment? Geez. They are happy, what can I say. Got to love them.

Day 2
Mom removes my night time diaper, and asks if I have to go pee-pee. I say "OK". We head to the bathroom and decided as she sets up the stool that I don't really have to go. I say "No" and we head out. Oops wait, I feel it, I turn and pee on the wall in the hallway. I smile at mom waiting for the pee-pee song and she is not smiling. She ushers me into the living room and starts wiping down the wall. She walks into the room and tells me, "pee-pee on the potty". Yeah yeah I know. It was a mistake. The next time she asks, I'll get it right. Just as the Wiggles are ending Mom asks if I have to go pee-pee. I say "OK." We head to the bathroom and Mom says, "Pee-pee on the potty." Yes women, we are in the bathroom, I said Ok! I turn and pee. She is not singing. She ushers me out of the bathroom and I hear her wiping the toilet. She said pee-pee on the potty, I did! She didn't say in the potty. Damn tell me what you want women!

Day 3
We head to the bathroom, mom is kneeling pointing at the potty. I start going! Ahhh, relief. That felt good. I finish, look at mom and she is beaming. Starting her song, she dances around the bathroom, "pee-pee on the potty, Jesse went pee-pee on the potty." She dances into the hall and I follow. Three hours later she is still saying, "Jesse, you went pee-pee on the potty!" Duh, I was there! What the hell?

Day 4
Mom asks if I have to go, I say "OK". We head to the bathroom and I say bye-bye to the toilet. We walk to the living room and oops, I pee. Mom is not smiling, she walks away and returns with a diaper. As I lie down I think to myself, "those diapers aren't looking so expensive huh?

Highlights of my day and it is only 2:54 pm

2005-08-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

Woke up, made my way to mom and dad's room and tried to pry open their eye lids.
Played with playdoh by making small little lint size pieces in every color available so that mom had something to do later.
Eat four out of six meat sticks. Mom ate the rest.
Watched and danced to the Wiggles. God I love them!
Dragged my size Batman around by his cap. He thinks he's tough but I kick his butt every time.
Poked my sister in the eye. I like watching mom flinch.
Hid my cars under the couch cushion; dad will feel them later when he tries to get comfortable.
Watched Oprah or as I say Opa.
Sang the alphabet to entertain mom.
Read a book with mom.
Hugged mommy when she yelled at me for standing on the couch. She hugged back, she is such a sucker.
Refused to take my nap.
Pointed and told mom what colors I was looking at; (bwon, bwu, yewow, owang, ed, and gway).

Poor Mom

2005-07-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

Ha! Ha! You should have seen her face. She was beyond upset. Today I decided to give Mom a thrill. I would surprise her by showing her I knew how to take off my diaper. I have been practicing unbeknownst to her and was saving it for just the right time. Mom was on the phone with Aunt Teresa and I raced behind the rocking chair, took of the diaper in record time and opps wouldn’t you know it; it was then that I felt that urge. You know the one; the one where you just push and relax and then you feel like having another chocolate chip cookie or something. I crouched down, pushed, relaxed and flew out of that corner like there was no tomorrow. I was standing up on the rocking chair, trying to see if I could see my butt nuggets when Mom squealed. She was getting a clear view of my naked butt and she was not happy. I heard her tell Aunt Teresa, “He has no diaper on!” She said my name again but I was busy trying to figure out if there was a way I could distract her before she saw my butt babies. I never get to inspect or touch them. She takes my diaper off and throws it away every single time. Damn it, they are mine and Mom and Dad constantly throw them away. I fight them every time I see them going for a new diaper but they catch me, lie me down, clean my butt, (all the while saying PU), throw a new diaper on me and then throw everything in the trash. It is not fair!

Mom took me off the chair and got in my face. “No, Jesse!” Damn, there is that word again. No, don’t take the diaper off? No, we don’t squat in the corner? Or no, we don’t stand butt naked on the chair? I can’t figure her out. She cleaned up my butt balls and left the room to throw them away and probably blab to Aunt Teresa. It was then that I noticed a little ball that had escaped Mom and the paper towel. I bent over, picked it up with my fingers brought it to my face for closer inspection and then I heard it. “NO! Jesse No!” She scared me and I dropped it. Damn that woman, she must have eyes in the back of her head. The next time I get a chance to inspect my butt marbles I will make sure she is in the bathroom, then I will hide them under my pillow for inspection at a later time. They must be worth something if my parents keep taking them from me and I intend to find out. Until next time….

Rough Housing With Dad

2005-06-26T16:57:00.000-07:00

I have to tell you about my Dad, I have been noticing that he has not been hitting the treadmill the way he used to. I love the old man and being well.. his kid decided that I would make it my mission to make sure he gets the recommend amount of activity he needs to keep him fit.

Every night I hand Dad my blanket and some pillows and we duke it out. I run down the hall and he hides. I love his face when he thinks that he scared me. He jumps behind various walls of the house and waits for me. I hear him giggling to Mom and asking her where I am. She narrates my trip down the hall. "He's at the bathroom, rounding the kitchen, coming NOW!" What do they think I am, friggin deaf? Hello guys, I'm in the same room?

Dad jumps out and I pretend to jump in shock. Dad laughing and breathless asks Mom, "Did you see his face?" His enthusiasm is really quite sweet. I hate deceiving him but he just gets such a kick out of it. You've got to love the guy!

COMING DOWN THE HALL

APPROACHING DAD

JUMPING ON HIS BACK

YOU GOT ME DAD

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THERE

Rough Day!

2005-06-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

So today while contemplating just where I would go on my first vacation my Mom and Dad starting talking about going bye-bye. Yippee..I love bye-bye. I run and get my sandels. Sitting down on my Wiggle couch I wait for mom to help me put them on. Mom comes over and starts putting socks on my feet which always means sneakers. Why the sneakers? Does my footwear preference mean nothing to her? She finishes doing that loopy do thing she does with sneakers and I run to the back door. She says, "No baby, we are going in the car." God damn I never get it right I run to the front door she says we are going on the deck I run to the back door she says car I can't win. Remind me never to gamble.

Daddy takes my hand and we head down the stairs. I start down the steps and Dad starts his counting. I will never understand the relentless counting. How many times does he go down those stairs a day. Dude, it's five steps. Just do it. Maybe he has OCD. I feel kind of bad for the old man. Maybe next time I count them for him.

Mom carries the loud, pink bundle they call Skye. Where are we going? The park, Aunt Teresa's, Mom and Tot Group? No! We end up at Babies are Us. Daddy picks me up because I tried to walk over to these really cool shades I wanted to check out. I try to explain that I am just going to try on some sunglasses and I'll catch up to him and mom later. It's a no go. He walks with mom over to the women who takes our money and we are out the door. Mom puts Skye in her car seat and Dad puts me in mine. We start on our way home and the bundle of hair sitting next to me starts wailing. Dad catches my eyes in the mirror. He says, "Pooh, you look like someone pooped in your lunch or someone stole your pony" or some other ridiculous statement that is no longer cute. You think Dad!? Do you think I look pissed!? Babies R friggin us? Give me a break old man. I spend the rest of the ride listening to my Dad make up words to songs, mom is reading a magazine and my sister screaming her head off. I can't wait to get home and take a nap. My head is killing me. Lord give me strenght!

Painting the Deck?

2005-06-24T17:37:00.000-07:00

So today, Mom asks if I want to go out. Hello? Do I poop in my diaper? So, we go to the deck, mom brings the screaming pink bundle and we head to the swing. Mom and I sit with the bundle who is finally quieting down and she starts us moving. We were on the swing for a moment when mom shot up and headed to the house. She comes out with, get this, a bucket of water and a paint brush? Is she kidding? We live 2 friggin blocks from a lake, I have a blow up pool that is sitting unfilled in the corner of the deck and she brings me a bucket of water. She hands me the brush and says, "go on baby, paint the deck?" What? Does she think I am so dumb that I don't know that the liquid swishing around in the bucket is water? She takes the brush and sticks it into the water and proceeds to brush the deck. Ummm...come on now mom, have you been sniffing glue. That is not paint, and I am not going to do hard labor on a beautiful day. She is smiling so I figure I will entertain her. I snatch the stupid paint brush stick it in the water and touch it to the wood. As the beam turns the color of well..wet wood I hear mom. "Good boy. Jesse is painting the deck." I must admit as much as I hate it that it was god damn fun. What? So I wet the beam. Mom was happy and I got to play in water. So there.

Parents Suck!

2005-06-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

Hey, can we talk? I want to discuss my parents. Dude I know I need them and everything, my being 2 and all but give me a freakin' break. Let's take today for instance. I ask for a crayon. Mom looks at me and says "what?" I mean hello! How else do you say crayon? I try again all the while pointing to the shelf where she keeps the damn colored yum, yum taste so good sticks of wax. I see a light bulb go off on her face and she hands me a broken piece of putried green crayon and tells me to get my paper. I scream and slam my hand on the table. A damn crayon women! She says, that is all there is and then I hear that pink bundle of pain in the ass start her opera. My sister Skye came into our home 2 months ago and nothing is right! Mom takes off to pick up the screeching pink bundle and I grab her legs as she tries to pass me. A crayon! Damn am I invisible? I take the stupid piece of putried wax that she handed me and reach for the flash cards she took out of the drawer an hour before. She said get paper and this sure looks like paper to me. She moves the flashcards out from under my crayon and says, "not on those!" What? She didn't specify what paper I can use. Paper is paper. Damn her, she is always stopping me from doing something I want to do. While she sits down to place her plump, dripping, flesh pillow into my sister's mouth I take the crayon and opps miss the little piece of paper she handed me. Wow, the crayon looks really good mixed with the color of the ottomen. I keep going. Maybe just maybe Mom and Dad will love my art work. They rave over every stupid mark I make on paper they are going to love this. I take my time, putting a lot of thought into the amount of strokes, the direction of my lines and the amount of pressure I apply to my art project. I am totally in the zone and the next thing I know my mom is sceaming "No!" God how I hate that word. Ripping the crayon from my clenched fingers and placing me in time out. Huh? She is so ungrateful. That is the last time I try to impress her. As I sit in my time out I contemplate my next art project. I have been checking out the wall next to the TV, I think it could use a few dashes with a key to give it that sutble texture look.